Who Nurtures You?

Beach Nurturing“Who nurtures you?” is a question I ask clients regularly.  And it is the question I pose to you now.  Really.  Who nurtures you? 

Does your answer sound something like, “I do.  I buy organic, eat healthy food, avoid overly processed junk food, exercise, and ask my body what it wants.”  Yep, you, my clients and I all have a similar answer to that question.

I bet you try to do all that self nurturing while you are busy making a difference to everyone around you, focused on being the best…. employee, boss, manager, life partner, business owner, friend, daughter, mother, sister, mentor, caretaker, blogger, Facebook poster, email-returner, volunteer…and the list goes on. 

Yes, it is good to want to do things well.  Yes, it is good to want to be there for others.  

And yes, it is good to know who can be there for you, too.  Especially when so many of us are far-flung from loving, mentoring, female family members.  This all became crystal clear to me, again, last weekend.

These Are A Few of My Favorite Things…

I was over the moon ecstatic when two of my beloved older cousins said they were coming for a visit.  Favorite memories include the Christmas night they got on the floor with me to  build a new dollhouse, my 3rd grade year when they taught me how to ski over spring break in Vail, CO, and let me ride with them instead of my parents for a summertime lake outing.

Each day last week leading up to their Friday arrival I prepared my home by shredding and recycling piles of paper and magazines I’d been meaning to sort for months.  I filed other piles of pertinent papers and called my house cleaner for an out-of-rotation visit.  Sometime mid-week I realized with pride I was actually taking care of myself while preparing for my visitors.

I whispered prayers that the beautiful SoCal October weather would last and that the low tide walks would be epic.  And, oh – were those prayers answered!  Sand dollars galore, huge starfish clinging to the pier pilings unfazed by the waves and yes, perfect SoCal weather. 

Taking Care of Self – Check!

I remembered to wear my pelvic-stability belt when we strolled the beach Friday afternoon.  I said, “no migraine-inducing cheese, please” when ordering the fish tacos Friday night.  I congratulated myself for maintaining my self-nurturing while family visited.  

Saturday, we lolled over a late breakfast of my quasi-famous frittata, then played with essential oils.  I noticed a low-grade headache starting, which is not uncommon for me after eating out.  While walking on the beach that afternoon, I realized I forgot to wear the pelvic stability belt when I felt my hip and pelvis “slip” out of alignment.  Instantly, my right pelvic ligament ached and within another hundred yards, my right shoulder blade and neck seized up.  By the end of the walk, I was in full-tilt-boogie headache land. 

Later that evening, sitting in a booth next to one of my beloved cousins at dinner in one of my favorite restaurants, I kept up with the conversation for a while despite my pounding head.  We debated the merits of different family recipes like candied yams verses whipped sweet potatoes.  When hot flashes began to rage, I stopped talking, trying not to barf from the migraine. 

Try A Little Tenderness

After very slowly eating about a third of my dinner, for some reason, it felt completely natural to put my head on my cousin’s shoulder.  Then unable to remain sitting up, I LAID MY HEAD IN HER LAP.  She petted my head gently and dunked her napkin into a glass of ice water and placed it on my forehead. 

The question I regularly ask others drifted through my foggy brain, “Who nurtures you?”  I didn’t care what anyone passing our table or the waitress thought about my grown woman-self emulating a five year old.  I allowed my self to relax into the tender nurturing offered by my beloved cousin.    

After five minutes or so of receiving my cousin’s gentle nurturing, my headache eased up ever so slightly and I sat up, ready to tend to adult things like paying the check.  By the time we got home from the restaurant, I was almost out of the headache woods. 

The Gift and Learning

This week, I’m still wowed by what five to ten minutes of nurturing provides, besides headache relief.  Here’s what I learned from my experience.

  1. We are never to old, grown-up or adult to receive a little tender nurturing from a beloved family member or friend.
  2. Laying your head in a beloved someone’s lap for five minutes works wonders on whatever ails you – including what you don’t even know is ailing you.
  3. Even when you nurture and take care of yourself, like I did leading up to the arrival of family, you still may need nurturing by someone else.

That Saturday evening migraine headache experience gave me a deeper understanding about the Universal need for nurturing.  Had I sailed through that dinner with no headache, or pretending like I didn’t have one, I’d have missed out on what my soul really needed … which was allowing my doing-doing-doing-caring-for-others self to pause and receive.

Practical Application

So, dear Modern Goddess, busy with all your contributions, caring for others and doing your best in all your roles … I ask, “Who nurtures YOU?”

And, I one-up the question with this double-dog-dare challenge:  Will you ask for, allow, and receive some tender-loving nurturing from that person, whether you have a physical ache or not? 

Share below what you have noticed when you allow yourself to be nurtured … and what happens when you ignore your need for it.

Love, Light and Here’s to YOUR nurturing! 



  1. Happy Hauntings Cat!

    This post brought tears to my eyes for you finding comfort, nurturing with your cousins. It brought tears to my eyes because I know I keep this desire deep within to protect myself. I find it easier to seek nurturing from friends than from family. Never from any professional colleague. I know this protection does come from childhood and adult experiences. I realize that I am my main nurturer. I am more willing to give than to receive nurturing.

    You give great insight into the energies that surround us … This weekend, I am nurturing myself by playing in our indoor and outdoor gardens 🙂

    Many Blessings,

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