How big is it? … the problem I mean. That’s the question I’m pondering after all the email responses to my article published on task.fm. (Click on over to see what’s causing all the hoopla!)
In the article, I answered the question posed: “How can high-ranking women in business deal with disrespectful, old-fashioned male executives?”
I got naked and shared personal experiences of disrespect, including: the porn images sent to me by a colleague, the politician who called me malevolent because I was unmarried and childless, and the college professor who offered me something in return for sexual favors.
That was then, this is now. Or is it?
Friends and strangers alike shared similar stories, wondering if we had the same college professor. I’d like to believe that what happened twenty years ago to so many of us no longer happens today. (Yes, I’ve been called overly-optimistic.)
Yet even with my Pollyanna positivity beliefs about the good in people, I know some college professors still take advantage of their position. And let’s be fair: some female professors take advantage of their position with students, too.
Why didn’t I blow the whistle on the college professor? Frankly, I was mortified. I was embarrassed. I was ashamed. He laughed at me when I mentioned reporting him and asked, “Then why did you book an appointment with me?” Um, to find out how I was doing in my class where I only got on stage twice a semester to be critiqued on my acting technique.
To conform or not?
Here’s a conundrum we face in today’s work world. Just about every media image portrays an airbrushed standard of beauty, sexuality and competence we are supposed to live up to. Sometimes in conforming to the standards, we receive perks. We can also receive subtle demerits and outright harassment.
None of us wants to be treated like Jodie Foster’s character in “The Accused” and have our beauty, sexuality or competence thrown back in our face. I think that is why we just suck it up, soldier on, change a major, school or job.
We ask, is it me?
We cast off the burden of shame, secrecy and the feeling, “I must have done something wrong,” when we share and own our stories. That’s the wise, modern goddess response. It is healing. I also believe lifting our veils is instrumental in eradicating the ills of disrespect, harassment and discrimination, no matter who the perpetrator is.
What do you think? What are your stories? Please share them. If nothing else, we can stop feeling so alone and possibly ease the shame of feeling singled out.
Peace,
Cat
P.S. Next week, I will tackle the hush-hush subject of women discriminating against women.
